


No Sleep for Troubled Minds

by pommedeplume



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 2000s, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Biphobia, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, First Time, Frottage, Getting Together, Homophobia, M/M, Marauders, Mexican American Remus Lupin, Mild Angst, Public Sex, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 12:27:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15485724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pommedeplume/pseuds/pommedeplume
Summary: Sirius Black has loved Remus Lupin for ten years. A night sharing a bed at Sirius's grandparents's house may finally awaken feelings buried for too long.





	No Sleep for Troubled Minds

Sirius is lying in the guest bedroom of his grandparents house, unable to sleep. Remus Lupin sleeps next to him, or at least Sirius assumes he is sleeping. They’ve been friends for ten years but have never shared a bed. That’s always made things easier.

Sharing a bed with bloke isn’t a big deal. He’s shared a bed with James and Peter loads of times before. But never Remus. Sirius has imagined it but in his fantasies it was the bed in his own flat, not at his homophobic grandparents’s house.

Of course, in his fantasies, Remus was also interested in men the way Sirius is interested in men. Beautiful, Catholic Remus Lupin could never love a man. Not the way Sirius does.

Remus grunts and rolls over, his bare leg suddenly lightly resting against Sirius’s leg. Sirius is frozen and silently curses himself for his instant arousal. He must’ve made a sound because Remus speaks up: “Did you say something?”

“No,” Sirius replies.

Remus doesn’t move his leg to Sirius’s surprise. Maybe he doesn’t want to be awkward, Sirius thinks. Sirius decides to call his bluff, scooting his leg a little closer. Remus makes a sound but doesn’t move. Sirius’s heart pounds in his chest and he wonders exactly what the fuck he is doing. He’s been in love with Remus Lupin since he was just a ten year old American freshly moved to England.

Remus’s mother was Mexican-American and had married an Englishman. Remus had grown up in America but they finally moved to the UK when Remus was ten. He fell in with James and Sirius quickly. They brought the shy boy to life, finding out there was mischief in him after all.

Sirius already knew he was gay back then. He barely understood what gay was but he knew that’s what he was. He thought his parents knew too. That was why they treated him so badly and doted on his brother, Regulus. Sirius isn’t sure if blaming himself for their abuse makes things better or worse. He tries not to think about it too much.

“I can’t sleep,” Sirius admits.

“Me either.”

Remus’s voice is soft and still so very American after all these years.

“Nervous about tomorrow?” Sirius asks, suspecting it must be Glastonbury Festival keeping him up.

“Not really. I don’t know what the problem is,” Remus says, shifting around in the bed, but not removing his leg from its position.

“If you’re nervous about the festival you didn’t have to go,” Sirius says.

“No. I’m excited. Are you nervous?” Remus asks.

Sirius wants to reply with yes. He is nervous but not about the festival. He’s nervous because the man he loves is very gently shifting his leg against his own leg and the sensation is sending a signal straight to his cock.

“No. Not about that anyhow,” Sirius says, hoping that Remus won’t follow up.

“Then what are you nervous about?”

Sirius sighs and gulps.

“Nothing,” he lies and Remus makes a frustrated sound.

“Is it your grandparents?” Remus asks.

“Yeah,” Sirius says, only partially lying.

His grandparents are Tories and very religious. If James and Peter weren’t hogging the living room furniture to sleep on he never would’ve been able to convince them to allow him to share a bed with Remus. No one in his family knew for sure about him but he still thought there were suspicions.

“That sucks. But we’ll be in a hotel for the rest of the festival at least,” Remus assures.

Sirius wishes that he had insisted on sharing the bed with James. If James was in the bed he would be sleeping peacefully now. Sirius considers running off to the loo for a wank but he knew himself. He would come back to bed and his cursed cock would be stiff as a board again in an instant.

“Yeah,” Sirius replies, resolving himself to being kept up by his erection all night.

“You shouldn’t subject yourself to being around these people, anyway. You hate your family,” Remus says.

“Yeah.”

The truth is that if his brother hadn’t have slipped the word that they’d be coming to Glastonbury they wouldn’t even be here. His relationship with his family isn’t great but sometimes it proves better to placate them rather than face their wrath. It was just one night. One night wouldn’t kill him, he had thought.

“Do… do you think they know?” Remus asks.

“Know what?” Sirius replies.

“That you’re gay,” Remus says, as if it should be obvious.

Sirius isn’t sure how to reply. He’s frozen in shock.

“I-I… How do you know?” Sirius stammers.

“ _Everyone_ knows. James, Peter, Me… Lily. We all know. We’ve been waiting,” Remus says softly.

“Waiting for _what_? It isn’t anyone’s business,” Sirius snaps.

“Waiting for you to come out. We just want to be supportive,” Remus says.

“Well, too late now, isn’t it,” Sirius grumbles.

Remus sighs, rolling over to face Sirius, his leg finally removed.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to confront you. I just… wanted you to know I support you,” Remus says, placing a hand on Sirius’s shoulder.

Touched, Sirius places a hand on Remus’s extended arm, gently squeezing his bicep. He’s faintly aware that they are both trembling. His palms are sweaty and his cock threatens to burst out of his pants.

They both move at the same time. They at first bump into each other’s noses before their lips find each other. Remus is a far more experienced kisser. He’s had girlfriends. Sirius kissed a girl once when he was twelve on a dare and that was the extent of his experience.

Remus pulls away, leaving Sirius panting and still wanting.

“That was… unexpected. But good. It was good, right?” Sirius says.

Remus is silent for a moment then says, “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Why not? I liked it,” Sirius pleads.

“I’m not gay,” Remus says, sounding like he is telling himself more than Sirius.

“Remus, I-“

“No. I’m not gay. I’ve dated girls. I’ve had sex with girls. I enjoyed it! I’m not gay!” Remus babbles, sounding increasingly upset.

“Maybe I should go,” Sirius says, starting to scoot away but Remus places a hand on his arm.

“Don’t go. Please. Stay. I-I need… you,” Remus almost begs.

Sirius moves closer and their lips meet again. Remus’s cheeks are wet but Sirius doesn’t care. He’s dreamed about this moment for a decade. There’s only ever been one man for him. He decides that right now he doesn’t care if Remus _is_ straight. He will take what he can get it.

Before he realises what’s happening, he’s pressed against Remus, their groins grinding against each other. He can feel Remus’s cock through his pajamas and it is absolutely the most exciting thing that has ever happened to him.

“Can I touch you?” Sirius whispers and Remus faintly replies with, “Yeah.”

Sirius kisses Remus’s cheek while his hand slides into Remus’s pants. His cock is bigger than Sirius expects.

“Something the matter?” Remus asks, Sirius not having realised he has frozen in place.

“No,” Sirius replies as his hand slides up and down the thick shaft.

Remus slides a hand down to Sirius’s pajamas, reaching into his pants to stroke his cock. Sirius lets out a moan that’s a little too loud.

“Shit,” Remus says.

“Sorry. It feels so good,” Sirius whispers.

“Yeah… it does,” Remus replies, his voice low and breathy.

Sirius is gripping Remus’s cock just below the head, dragging his thumb over the ridge. Remus makes desperate sounds as his hand slides all over Sirius’s cock. Sirius craves so much friction.

“I want to feel you against it. Put them together,” Sirius begs.

Remus silently pulls his pajamas down and Sirius does the same. Their erections slide against each other, so warm, hard and soft. Quietly panting, Sirius wraps a hand around both their cocks, gripping and stroking them.

“Oh. That’s good. Keep doing that,” Remus moans

Sirius’s hand works the head of Remus’s cock while his own cock grinds into it. He’s getting close and isn’t sure how much longer he can hold on. Remus lets out a whimper and says, “Shit!” as his cock jerks, pumping come over Sirius’s cock and hand.

Sirius’s hand continues to rub over Remus’s shaft and his own until pleasure peaks and he shoots come onto his hand and Remus’s cock. They are both swiftly silent aside from the heavy breathing. Sirius can’t believe this has happened.

“We should clean up,” Remus says.

Sirius rolls over and flips on a lamp then grabs some tissues, handing some to Remus and using the rest on himself.

“So, I guess we should talk,” Sirius says as he wipes at himself.

“What about?” Remus says.

“About what just happened… us,” Sirius insists.

“Nothing just happened,” Remus says, without a hint of irony in his voice.

Sirius laughs and looks over at Remus but Remus hops off the bed to pull up his pajamas, facing away from Sirius.

“We just had sex,” Sirius explains.

“No, we didn’t. That’s not sex. We were just playing around. Everyone gets horny sometimes,” Remus says and Sirius feels his heart sink.

“But… that meant something for me,” Sirius says, tears filling his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lead you on. I’m not gay,” Remus says, turning around to reveal that he’s also crying.

Remus’s face is bathed in self-loathing. Sirius wishes he could understand but he only feels hurt and angry. He wants to lash out at Remus but he’s afraid if he does he’ll lose a friend. He also might wake up his grandparents and that wouldn’t be good.

“No, I’m sorry. I… I knew you weren’t gay and I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have done that,” Sirius cries and gets back into bed.

* * *

It is the last day of the festival. Remus and Sirius have barely spoken all week. But now James has dragged them all away to wander around near the festival. There are people all over smoking pot and being where they shouldn’t be. The four of them were probably on someone’s land. But things like that had never stopped them all before.

At some point, James and Peter had gone a different direction and now he and Remus are sat alone in some woods. Sirius wants to talk about what happened between them but he doesn’t want to be the one to bring it up.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what happened,” Remus says.

“That guy at the festival who set himself on fire? Yeah, that was hilarious,” Sirius snarks.

“You know what I mean, Sirius. What happened between us. I’m… sorry if I acted like it was nothing. That was insensitive,” Remus explains.

“Yeah. It was,” Sirius agrees.

“I’m not gay. I know I’m not. I know I’m attracted to women,” Remus says.

“So, maybe you’re bi,” Sirius suggests.

Remus scoffs.

“Everyone says that isn’t real,” Remus counters.

“What do you think?” Sirius asks.

“I think… I know what I feel,” Remus says, looking up at Sirius who is walking over to him.

“And what do you feel?” Sirius asks.

Remus hops up and in an instant they are kissing. Sirius pulls away and says, “No. I can’t do this. Not if you’re going to take it back. I can’t handle you telling me that you don’t love me. I’ll die.”

“I love you, Sirius Black,” Remus says and they kiss again.

Remus pushes Sirius against the tree, a hand rubbing him through his trousers. Sirius is painfully hard but afraid they will be caught.

“Let me please you. I’ll show you how much I really mean this,” Remus says, his soft brown eyes gazing into Sirius’s eyes.

“O-OK,” Sirius says and Remus drops to his knees, roughly undoing Sirius’s trousers to pull out his cock.

Remus takes him deep, sucking hard while Sirius looks around, expecting someone to arrive at any moment. Sirius still isn’t sure if he believes Remus. He _wants_ to believe him. He wants to believe him so badly. His fingers stroke the top of Remus’s golden brown head as Remus sucks him off as if it were the only thing in the world that matters.

“I’m gonna come,” Sirius warns then moans as he comes in Remus’s mouth.

“There you two are!” James Potter’s voice calls out from somewhere.

“Shit!” Sirius squeals and Remus falls back as Sirius quickly zips up.

James and Peter run up as Remus is laid back on the dirt wiping his mouth.

“Are you fighting? Why’s Remus on his arse?” James asks looking skeptically at them both.

“He’s clumsy. Fell back,” Sirius says, technically truthfully.

Sirius reaches down and lifts Remus up to his feet.

“C’mon, let’s get back to the festival,” James says.

“I think they were snogging and we interrupted them,” Peter jokes.

“Snogging? Are you mad? Remus isn’t like that,” James laughs.

“Actually, I am,” Remus says flatly, not moving.

James turns around, adjusts his glasses and smiles.

“Fair enough, mate,” James replies.

Peter merely looks shocked before shrugging.

“OK. If that’s settled then we can go back to the festival,” Remus says, smiling at Sirius as he took his hand for the very first time.

**Author's Note:**

> If people dig this I may expand it into a longer AU. My idea is to explore the relationship purely through sex scenes, covering many years (like 10-15 years.) Every scene will reveal something about the characters, their internal workings and their lives.


End file.
